Repent Your Divorce Now: Get Back Together or Face Denying God His Due!

According to Christian theology, everyone is a sinner. So why, in so many conservative churches, are homosexuals treated as especially unworthy of things like communion or open leadership participation in church activities? The answer, and not a theologically irrational one, is that gay people are unrepentant of their alleged sin: they won’t admit that homosexual sex and relationships are wrong, and so cannot be taken seriously as congregants, at least to a church for whom the sinfulness of homosexuality is doctrine. Homosexuals can’t stop being sinful because, supposedly, no one can: but they can at least try to repent by taking actions to avoid “sin” and not trying to justify it. Fair enough.

What’s unfair is that conservative churches are packed with divorcées, many of them remarried. And at this very moment, the Republican party is preparing to try and elect John McCain, who divorced his first wife and mother of his children to re-marry a 25 year-old heiress. Though it may be hard to believe, I’m really not trying to cast a veil of illegitimacy over McCain for that: he and his wife may well have fallen out of love, may have had sexual incompatibilities, and/or may even have ultimately saved their friendship by divorce (his ex-wife and children all seem well adjusted, speak well of him, and remain close). Sometimes ending a failing marriage (no matter who the failure is) and falling in love with someone young, invigorating, and new is the right choice for everyone involved. I’m just using McCain as an example of something that many people seem perfectly willing to tolerate in their party, in their churches: places where the same group of people would not tolerate open, practicing homosexuals.

It’s just that if we apply the same logic to divorce we applied to homosexuality, then the logical conclusion is that most divorcées are unrepentant sinners. And if they really wanted to repent, then the conclusion is obvious: they should cease their ongoing adultery and remarry, including attending to the usual marital duties.

There isn’t a lot of theological room for wiggling here. Jesus, for instance, pretty clearly identifies divorce as an Israelite perversion based on the “hard hearts” of Jews, who were traditionally much more de facto tolerant of divorce. He says, flat out, that what God makes one flesh, let no man separate (though in one of the Gospels he is then said to cripple/contradict this grand, seemingly absolute principle of god-joined flesh by adding the weaselly caveat that a man can divorce his wife over unfaithfulness.). He unflinchingly calls divorce a form of adultery, a sin so serious that it, unlike homosexuality, made one of God’s Top Ten lists of things that he really really hates.

So, at least for those that claim to draw their objection to homosexual acts from the Bible, I’m not seeing a way around this, even with the “unfaithful wife” escape hatch added. I breathlessly await James Dobson to call upon John McCain to repent of his divorce, leave his current wife Cindy, with whom he shares only an adultery, and return to his original god-glued partner, Carol.

P.S. Make no mistake: I think divorce is almost always traumatic and bad, and there are many reasons to try to avoid casual marriage and rushing into divorce. But it is a bad thing that exists to prevent worse things: ongoing abuse, marriages based on long-lasting resentment and frustration, and so on.

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27 Responses to Repent Your Divorce Now: Get Back Together or Face Denying God His Due!

  1. Having gone through two of them, I can honestly tell you that a divorce is a miserable experience that I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy. That said, I can also say that being in a loveless marriage is also a miserable experience that I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy. Ultimately, it comes down to picking your poison. The Catholic stance on divorce is one of many things that ultimately drove me away. At least the Protestants’ understand that sometimes a divorce is simply the right way to go.

    As far as homosexuality goes, both Catholic and Protestant positions on this are indefensible. Unfortunately, this isn’t going to change in the foreseeable future.

    It is interesting to note that according to the bible, when Joseph learned that Mary was pregnant, he decided to divorce her. I can just imagine how THAT conversation went: “honest, honey, it’s not what you think!”. It took the intervention of an angel to convince him that Mary had not been unfaithful. Interesting book, that Bible.

    -smith

  2. maybe we’ll get James Dobson’s head on a platter if he really acts out your suggested prophetic word for him

  3. You may have misunderstood Jesus’ admonition against divorce in Matthew 19. Because God created/ defined marriage He is not constrained by the parameters He places upon man in carrying it out therefore, because He is God, Jesus is not contradicting Himself by allowing divorce in the cases of abandonment (I Corinthians 7) and adultery (Matt. 19). Rather, in His proscription, ‘let no man tear asunder’, He is merely indicating that man is not authorised to end a marriage for reasons not allowed by God, the author of marriage.

    As for Joseph and Mary’s situation, one must understand the traditional engagement arrangement. Traditionally, engagement was almost as good as a marriage–once engaged, you were committed to that person unless you broke the promise. Joseph, not knowing God’s plan at the time, came to the only conclusion he could at that time and thought that Mary must have committed adultery. Under those circumstances, he would have been within his rights to divorce her (even though they were ‘only’ betrothed at the time).

    I will agree with you wholeheartedly that many within the Church have taken a permissive view of divorce, which follows seeing how much the Church has compromised on God’s Word in recent years. However, it doesn’t make it right. It is dealt with biblically by some, however; my pastor, for example, will not (re)marry someone who has gotten an unbiblical divorce and will not simply ‘look the other way’ when someone is seeking the same.

    True, we are all sinners–but that is not an excuse to sin. ALL unrepentant sin should be dealt with whether it is homosexuality, adultery, abuse, drunkeness, etc. Thanks be to God that, despite our wretchedness, He condescends to us with His grace.

  4. Teresa says:

    Interesting phrase, “practicing homosexual”. Kinda suggests that homosexuals are getting more . . . uh . . “practice” than heterosexuals. Ah well, practice makes perfect, as they say.

  5. Jersey says:

    I say, don’t talk about the sins of being gay until we get our laws of divorce “bible-based” again.

  6. Bad says:

    Rather, in His proscription, ‘let no man tear asunder’, He is merely indicating that man is not authorised to end a marriage for reasons not allowed by God, the author of marriage.

    My point (and merely as an aside, mind) was simply “Let no man tear asunder” is pretty definitive language, not the sort that is done justice by following it up with caveats of exactly how a man can go about tearing it asunder if they decide that they want to.

    True, we are all sinners–but that is not an excuse to sin.

    Certainly, and if some church is consistent on this, then this particular criticism can’t apply to them. But plenty aren’t: divorce is allowed, and no one is ever asked to repent before they can perform the sorts of things denied equally unrepentant homosexuals.

  7. Then it appears to me that you are not really arguing that the Bible does not label homosexuality as sin, rather you are pointing out the disjointed and unequal manner in which many churches administer discipline. If that is the case, I agree with you.

  8. Bad says:

    I’m not really sure what the Bible says about homosexuality, honestly. I don’t think anyone in the Bible had any concept of what we today understand as homosexuality. But yes, that’s really only a side point, and you have it right on what I was getting at.

  9. I’m not really sure what the Bible says about homosexuality, honestly. I don’t think anyone in the Bible had any concept of what we today understand as homosexuality. But yes, that’s really only a side point, and you have it right on what I was getting at.

    Sadly, there is at least one passage in the Old Testament (Leviticus, I think, but don’t hold me to it) that condemns homosexuality as an “abomination” (RSV translation). This passage has been the “justification” for many of the injustices which have been committed against homosexuals over the years.

    -smith

  10. Bad says:

    This particular passage is precisely what I mean though: there is no modern concept of homosexuality in that passage, only, if anything, of a particular act condemned (as countless other acts are condemned). Even in Greek culture, the idea of someone being homosexual didn’t exist even though it was more open and common: people just had different “tastes” for things they liked. It’s thus difficult to get a read on anyone talking about “homosexuality” in the Bible. For example, it’s only because of modern ideas about identity and gender that there’s any real reason to link to what two women do together and what two men do together under the same category of “homosexual.” To the ancients it was just a bunch of different sex acts.

  11. This particular passage is precisely what I mean though: there is no modern concept of homosexuality in that passage, only, if anything, of a particular act condemned

    Well, I doubt that they were listening to WHAM!UK records back then, but nonetheless “homosexuality” meant then what it means now, having sexual relations with a member of the same sex. Hey, they got all uptight about eating the wrong meat (no pun intended), is it really surprising that they would have a major problem with homosexuality?

    Your original question was: “So why, in so many conservative churches, are homosexuals treated as especially unworthy of things like communion or open leadership participation in church activities?” The passage in Leviticus (it’s Leviticus 19:22, btw, I checked) reads: “You shall not lie with a male as with a woman, it is an abomination.” For whatever reasons of their own, the Jews chose to condemn homosexuality, which certainly made them different from other cultures of the time, where, as you correctly point out, homosexuality was accepted.

    But that’s all really beside the point. The fact remains that many have used this passage to justify discrimination and violence against homosexuals. I don’t like it any more than you do, but unfortunately that is the short answer to the question you pose at the beginning of this post.

    -smith

  12. Bad says:

    But again: homosexuality didn’t mean anything at all back then, not even in cultures where it was accepted. All there was were a list of various forbidden sexual acts. The concept of thematically connecting acts performed by two men with those performed by two women into some overarching concept of identity and sexuality just didn’t exist. So we are left with condemnation of acts, not of same sex attraction or relationships in general.

    This is of particular relevance because the word “abomination” in the OT is not reserved for sodomy, but is applied to all sorts of acts which are ritually unclean, including many acts that modern Christians perform today, based on an Apostle having a dream about a watery tart tossing a lobster at him.

    Heck, perhaps most relevant, however, is that adultery, in addition to being just flat out one of the things the OT commands the punishment of death for (though Jews had a remarkable number of special requirements and legalistic exceptions that prevented this punishment from being a simple and de facto result of adultery), is itself called abomination in Ezekiel 22:11.

    This leaves the fate of homosexuality in general fairly unclear, and the passage often cited from Paul is, on closer inspection, awfully vague and inconclusive.

  13. I’m not quite sure what it is we’re debating here. ;>)

    I agree with your points, although your view about how the ancients viewed homosexuality seems a bit oversimplified.

    But it really doesn’t matter for the purposes of this discussion. Unfortunately, the Western view of sexuality springs from the Judeo/Christian tradition, which, I’m sure you’ll agree, is a rather uptight one.

    The Leviticus passage is the one most often used to condemn homosexuality. For the purposes of the church’s argument, the act and the actor are one and the same. You may disagree with the church, and quibble over their interpretation, but that’s their story and they’re stickin’ to it, whether you like it or not.

    But I really think there’s more to it than that. Sure, it would be easy to say that the reason for prejudice against gays is because of some passage in a 4000 year old book, but I really don’t think that gets to the root of the problem.

    Sadly, the human race (as a group) is fairly intolerant of those who are perceived as “different”. Gays are “different”, and therefore, in the eyes of the ignorant, not to be tolerated. If they can trot out a Biblical passage to justify their hatred, so much the better. It’s so much easier to rationalize one’s hatred once you’ve convinced yourself that you are “righteous” and your victim a “sinner”.

    Again, I’m just trying to answer the question you posed at the beginning of your post. The answer may not be a pleasant one, but then, intolerance and hatred are unpleasant subjects.

    -smith

  14. Bad says:

    The Leviticus passage is the one most often used to condemn homosexuality. For the purposes of the church’s argument, the act and the actor are one and the same.

    Except that not all homosexuals perform, or at least need to perform sodomy (particularly not most lesbians). The Bible condemns the act, but has no concept of a larger sexuality, and so is decidedly ambiguous on this matter.

    I’m not trying to argue this point too hard: if the Bible said flat out that gays are evil and need to be thrown into trash compactors, it wouldn’t make much difference to me. But as an aside, I do think it’s worth noting the Bible’s actual lack of scope and ambiguity on subjects like this.

    And I agree with what you say overall, of course.

  15. But as an aside, I do think it’s worth noting the Bible’s actual lack of scope and ambiguity on subjects like this.

    True, although one should not be surprised that a collection of writings that is over 2,000 years old and has been translated umpteen times is going to be a tad ambiguous. ;>)

    The larger issue, as you point out, is the sheer hypocrisy of of condemning homosexuality while condoning divorce. At least the Catholic church is consistent about this: their positions on both issues are equally antediluvian.

    And I agree with what you say overall, of course.

    A wise man you are. ;>) So can I have my cookie now?

    -smith

  16. Jonathan says:

    To “Murderofravens”,
    You said…
    “Sadly, there is at least one passage in the Old Testament (Leviticus, I think, but don’t hold me to it) that condemns homosexuality as an “abomination” (RSV translation). This passage has been the “justification” for many of the injustices which have been committed against homosexuals over the years.”

    There are also some in the NT:
    1 Cor 6:9-11 – 9 Or do you not know that the unrighteous [1] will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: neither the sexually immoral, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor men who practice homosexuality, [2] 10 nor thieves, nor the greedy, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God. 11 And such were some of you. But you were washed, you were sanctified, you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and by the Spirit of our God.

    1 Timothy 1:8-11 – 8 Now we know that the law is good, if one uses it lawfully, 9 understanding this, that the law is not laid down for the just but for the lawless and disobedient, for the ungodly and sinners, for the unholy and profane, for those who strike their fathers and mothers, for murderers, 10 the sexually immoral, men who practice homosexuality, enslavers, [3] liars, perjurers, and whatever else is contrary to sound [4] doctrine, 11 in accordance with the gospel of the glory of the blessed God with which I have been entrusted.

    To “Bad”,

    God condemns all sin. Homosexuality is just as offensive to God as lying, anger, hatred which Jesus says is murder, lust which Jesus says is adultery, pride, fear of man, etc. So Christians should do a better job of showing how God hates all sin. And as far as there being some sort of double standard in churches, I agree. I agree with you from being a born-again Christian too man. Unfortunately, the reason why some churches are being so inconsistent is either 1) they are not standing for truth, or 2) many in these churches are not true Christians, just think they are true Christians (this is the more likely choice). Especially since I played the church game for so long too until God shined the light of His glorious gospel of Christ into my heart.

    Thanks for your honesty and insight. I respectfully agree with you on church inconsistency. But on the issue of homosexuality, I disagree.

    from Fruitful Musings blogger,
    jonathan
    http://fruitfulmusings.wordpress.com

  17. Bad says:

    Jonathan, the Bible passages you quote don’t say what you claim they do. They can’t: there was no word that meant “homosexuality” in the languages used when those tracts and letters were written. The words that your Bible apparently translates as “homosexual” are actually words for, at best, male prostitutes. The reason I say “at best” is that one of the words literally only translates to “soft” which many speculate is an idiom for being morally weak and receptive, and thus perhaps referring to young male prostitutes. The other is certain to be a sexual term, but given that the New Testament references are actually the first known uses of the word, it’s not entirely clear what it means either.

    Again, my point is less that the Bible and Biblical figures would have endorsed homosexuality, and more that the Bible isn’t particularly well informed on this subject, certainly not in any way directly relevant to modern cultural issues.

    So Christians should do a better job of showing how God hates all sin.

    Maybe many Christians will say this, but I bet they’ll continue to act as if homosexuality was far worse than, say, John McCain’s divorce. And I don’t think you can make any sort of claim about “true Christians.” If divorce is just as bad as homosexuality, and thus barring active homosexuals from a congregation when you don’t bar unrepentant divorcees is hypocrisy, then nearly every congregation including most of the most conservative, aren’t “true” Christians. That starts to get a little absurd, though of course you can define the limits of Christianity any way you wish.

  18. Kenneth says:

    There is one big obvious difference. A marriage consists of two people dealing with selves. Homosexuality is one person dealing with self.
    Even if one half of a divorce did indeed want to “repent” and repair said marriage, that doesn’t mean the other half wants the same and you can’t force someone to something of the such. Not in this time, not in this country.
    This is the reason that the logic of relating divorcees’ sins to that of homosexuals’ sins ultimately fails.

  19. Bad says:

    Not at all. What you are speaking of is a specific situation, but no one in any of these cases is asking to check and see if that is the specific situation in any one case. Hence the treatment is still different, without warrant.

    And second, and perhaps more important, this simply dodges the issue of what Jesus says. Subsequent marriages are said to be adultery. So even if your spouse is unwilling to get back together with you, nothing in that very stark declaration legitimizes one to continue to perform this adultery without further moral question.

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    videos, I was almost moved to start my own blog (well,
    almost…HaHa!) Wonderful job. I really enjoyed what you had to
    say, and more than that, how you presented
    it. Too cool!
    I’m really enjoying the design and layout of your website.
    It’s a very easy on the eyes which makes it much more pleasant for me
    to come here and visit more often. Did you hire out a developer to create your
    theme? Superb work!
    Hi there! I could have sworn I’ve been to this site before but after reading through some
    of the post I realized it’s new to me. Nonetheless, I’m definitely glad I found it and I’ll be book-marking and checking
    back often!
    Hi! Would you mind if I share your blog with my facebook group?

    There’s a lot of folks that I think would really appreciate your content.
    Please let me know. Thanks
    Hello, I think your blog might be having browser compatibility issues.

    When I look at your blog site in Firefox, it
    looks fine but when opening in Internet Explorer, it has some overlapping.
    I just wanted to give you a quick heads up!

    Other then that, excellent blog!
    Wonderful blog! I found it while searching on Yahoo News.
    Do you have any suggestions on how to get listed in Yahoo News?
    I’ve been trying for a while but I never seem to get there!
    Thanks
    Hi there! This is kind of off topic but I need some guidance from an established
    blog. Is it hard to set up your own blog? I’m not very techincal but I can figure things out pretty quick.
    I’m thinking about creating my own but I’m not sure where to start.
    Do you have any ideas or suggestions? Thank you
    Hi! Quick question that’s totally off topic. Do you know how to make your site mobile friendly?

    My website looks weird when viewing from my iphone4. I’m trying to find
    a theme or plugin that might be able to resolve this issue.
    If you have any recommendations, please share. Thanks!
    I’m not that much of a online reader to be honest but your sites really nice, keep it up!
    I’ll go ahead and bookmark your website to come back later
    on. All the best
    I really like your blog.. very nice colors & theme.
    Did you design this website yourself or did you hire someone to do it for you?
    Plz reply as I’m looking to design my own blog and would like
    to know where u got this from. thanks a lot
    Amazing! This blog looks just like my old one! It’s on a entirely different subject but it has pretty much
    the same layout and design. Wonderful choice of colors!

    Hey just wanted to give you a quick heads up and let you know a few of the images aren’t loading properly.
    I’m not sure why but I think its a linking issue.
    I’ve tried it in two different browsers and both show the same results.

    Hi there are using WordPress for your site platform? I’m new to the blog
    world but I’m trying to get started and set up my own.
    Do you need any coding knowledge to make your own blog?
    Any help would be greatly appreciated!
    Howdy this is kind of of off topic but I was wanting
    to know if blogs use WYSIWYG editors or if you have to manually code with HTML.
    I’m starting a blog soon but have no coding skills so I wanted to get
    advice from someone with experience. Any help would
    be greatly appreciated!
    Hi! I just wanted to ask if you ever have any issues with hackers?
    My last blog (wordpress) was hacked and I ended up losing
    several weeks of hard work due to no back up.
    Do you have any methods to prevent hackers?

    Good day! Do you use Twitter? I’d like to follow you if that would be ok.

    I’m definitely enjoying your blog and look forward to new
    posts.
    Howdy! Do you know if they make any plugins to safeguard against hackers?

    I’m kinda paranoid about losing everything I’ve worked hard
    on. Any suggestions?
    Hey! Do you know if they make any plugins to help with Search Engine Optimization?
    I’m trying to get my blog to rank for some targeted keywords
    but I’m not seeing very good success. If you know of
    any please share. Many thanks!
    I know this if off topic but I’m looking into starting my own
    blog and was curious what all is required to get
    setup? I’m assuming having a blog like yours would cost a pretty penny?
    I’m not very internet smart so I’m not 100% certain.

    Any tips or advice would be greatly appreciated. Appreciate it
    Hmm is anyone else encountering problems with the pictures on
    this blog loading? I’m trying to figure out if its a problem on my
    end or if it’s the blog. Any responses would be
    greatly appreciated.
    I’m not sure why but this website is loading incredibly slow
    for me. Is anyone else having this issue or is it a problem on my end?
    I’ll check back later and see if the problem still exists.

    Hey there! I’m at work surfing around your blog from my new iphone!
    Just wanted to say I love reading your blog and look forward to all your posts!
    Carry on the excellent work!
    Wow that was strange. I just wrote an really long comment but after I clicked submit my comment
    didn’t show up. Grrrr… well I’m not writing all that
    over again. Anyways, just wanted to say superb blog!

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